When I shared my story the other day, I also linked it up to the good ol' facebook. I know that a lot of our friends did not know that we had these things going on. My post caption said something about life challenges, some worse than others. This could be taken one of two ways I suppose...1) One person's individual struggles vary in degrees or 2) a mine vs. yours comparison. My post really meant to encompass #1.
I never want to compare my struggle to yours, or vice versa. It should never be a competition. And YOUR story is just as important as mine. I had/have many friends, of varying degrees of closeness, that I know have struggled or still struggle with some sort of infertility or loss. Or maybe they are just going through a tough time in other areas of their life. YOUR story matters too.
No, I didn't get any negative comments...but I also want my friends to know that I have probably thought of them (if I knew their story) more than they know. Friends that have had loss and now have their little blessings. Friends that struggled to get their blessing. Friends that recently went through a loss. I still think of them.
I also appreciated that some friends privately shared their story with me. Sharing the pain. Relating. Early pregnancy and Miscarriage are such a private thing and despite the public posting that is facebook these days, so much is still not shared (not that you have too!). Its so hard to know who can relate to you, who has been through it to share your pain with you, who may actually NOT want to know about it.
Anyway, I guess the point of my post today is to say that I just wanted to share my story. I am not trying to say my story is worse than yours or others. I was not trying to get pity. I know that in the grand scheme of things, my struggles are small blip in comparison to other tragic events. I have been lucky enough in my life that this is the worst that has happened to me. But I know that is not the case with others.
On another note....I had follow up with my Dr yesterday. She is still amazing of course. Official final pathology diagnosis is a blighted ovum. It means a sperm and egg met, and tried to become a baby but only was able to create some pregnancy like tissue. So there wasn't any 'baby' tissue.
We will be able to try again, but I won't lie, I am not entirely happy with the plan. First, she has to confirm that my levels return to 0, via blood work. Yesterday's levels were 8, so it shouldn't be too much longer. Then, I have to wait two FULL cycles. Ugh. That seems so far away!!!!! But I don't have a choice really. My body needs to heal. My emotions need to heal. It's all one big waiting game!!!!
I am going to keep busy though and the time will go fast. First up? A YELLOW birthday party for my big boy! He is going to be 5 and yellow is his favorite color...so it will be a yellow themed party! I am very excited about it...its been quite fun trying to come up with yellow things to put out for food and drink! And the invites are asking that you wear yellow! SO fun! And a bright spot after all of this dreariness! I am looking forward to it. And I'll post some pics after the party next month!