One year ago..

This was me...

all drugged up on magnesium trying to stop the contractions that were trying to push my 27 week gestation baby out..ok maybe that was a little dramatic! :) But seriously, yes I was contracting and yes they were having a hard time stopping them. AND I was two centimeters dialated.

Oddly at the time, I wasn't as scared as I probably should have been. I look back at that time and realize I was in complete denial that anything bad could possibly happen. In fact I can tell you what I was thinking: When I first went to the hospital "I'm dehydrated, they are going to give me fluids and then send me home" and then two days later..."I just want to go home". Fortunatley I did go home on the third day, but it was on bed rest. Only to be sent back two weeks later.

So what about that day? Well I started in one hospital, was immediately transferred to another when they discoverd I was 2 cm and then gave me morphine at midnight that finally knocked out the contractions. I could feel the contractions, but they weren't painful until midnight, hence the morphine. A cervical measurement before I was discharged was 2.6cm when I was discharged...they like it to be 3-5cm.

I sometimes go back and read what I wrote while I was hospitalized (I started the blog during the second stay) and still have very raw emotions when I realize the extent of the danger my son was in, yet at the time I just wanted to go home...it honestly makes me feel sooo very selfish that I did not comprehend the gravity of the situation...

But now, I have this:

How lucky am I?!?!