Sunday, January 24, 2010

One year ago..

This was me...

all drugged up on magnesium trying to stop the contractions that were trying to push my 27 week gestation baby out..ok maybe that was a little dramatic! :) But seriously, yes I was contracting and yes they were having a hard time stopping them. AND I was two centimeters dialated.

Oddly at the time, I wasn't as scared as I probably should have been. I look back at that time and realize I was in complete denial that anything bad could possibly happen. In fact I can tell you what I was thinking: When I first went to the hospital "I'm dehydrated, they are going to give me fluids and then send me home" and then two days later..."I just want to go home". Fortunatley I did go home on the third day, but it was on bed rest. Only to be sent back two weeks later.

So what about that day? Well I started in one hospital, was immediately transferred to another when they discoverd I was 2 cm and then gave me morphine at midnight that finally knocked out the contractions. I could feel the contractions, but they weren't painful until midnight, hence the morphine. A cervical measurement before I was discharged was 2.6cm when I was discharged...they like it to be 3-5cm.

I sometimes go back and read what I wrote while I was hospitalized (I started the blog during the second stay) and still have very raw emotions when I realize the extent of the danger my son was in, yet at the time I just wanted to go honestly makes me feel sooo very selfish that I did not comprehend the gravity of the situation...

But now, I have this:

How lucky am I?!?!

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