Photo Update!!

Blake's Baptism picture..I love this one! (somethign about the lighting...)

Daddy makes me laugh!

Cutest.baby.ever!

Like a cat, sleeping in the sun....

His favorite activities, letters & numbers

My Sweet Big Boy!

Big Smiles!

Look Ma, I have a toy!

Hmmm... Another mail carrier in our future???

10 Things Thursday

So I am WAAAAAYYY over due for an update!!! An in an effort to continuously or get on a more regular updating regimen I am starting "10 Things Thursday". Starting TODAY!

1. I am still breastfeeding Blake. After my last post, things really started to fall into place and it got easier. My goal was 6 months of breast feeding but I will be weaning a little bit earlier than that...as in next month. I still don't love it. While I am able to pump enough for him (and occasionally put some in the freezer) during the day, by night time I just feel like he is struggling to get everything he needs/wants for bed time. We nurse at 6/6:30 when I get home and then from 7:45-8:30ish when he goes to bed. It leaves very little time for me to spend with the big boy and is very frustrating for me.

2. I am still NOT working out. It makes me sad some days, but I am still sooooo tired ALL.the.time. Blake is still not sleeping through the night (usually he only gets up once) and I NEED my sleep to function. This also means I haven't lost all of my pregnancy weight...and that makes me even sadder :(

3. My big boy is getting soo big...and Smart!! He knows his letters: upper case, lower case and the phonics of each letter. He has a Leap Frog letter thingy and he is now tracing the letters on the screen. He also knows his numbers and counts to twenty, although fifteen is pronounced five-teen! So cute!

4. We moved Blake into his own room this past weekend. He has been in his crib (in our room) for some time now, but this weekend we move it back to his room. I was hoping it would lead to better sleep for all of us and Blake would start sleeping through the night. No such luck yet. He still gets up at least once between 3 & 4. For me though, it is nice to be able to move freely about my room after he goes to bed.

5. When Blake was born, we began referring to Charlie as the 'big one' and Blake as the 'little one'. One morning Charlie got up before all of us (Blake included) and independently went to play in the family room. When Blake woke me and I realized Charlie was out there I tapped W and told him "the big one is in the family room"; he responded with "The big one is dead" Huh?? Clearly he was not awake yet!! I said, No the big one is alive and well and his response was "and kicking" Still not awake!! The other day when I woke him as I was leaving for work, he told me to have fun shooting a gun. Huh?? My job brings me no where close to using/seeing/touching no less shooting a gun!! And he makes fun of me for saying funny things in my sleep!

6. Charlie LOVES him some chocolate milk. He gets it at night time when we put him to bed. And if you ask him if he wants chocolate milk he usually responds with "choc-at milk nu-nite?" This is horrible. We are breaking the 'good parent' rules of sending a sippy cup to bed with him. Thing is I really think he can go to bed without it. He used to go to bed in his crib without a sippy, but it became a crutch to us to get him to sleep in his big boy bed. Over the last couple weeks, Charlie would occasionally get out of bed around 2ish. Most of the time W gets him and goes to bed with him (C has a queen size bed)..but lately I have intercepted him and put him back to bed with no sippy, by himself. He goes back to sleep just fine. So I really think he could go to bed initially without it. Now I just have to get W on board....

7. Who needs naps?? I DO! I DO! Charlie seems to think he doesn't. This make me very sad..for multiple reasons. The biggest being that I don't always get a nap on the weekends because he is still up. It has been a month now since he has taken regular naps. Needless to say he is VERY tired by the end of the day and bedtime is VERY easy!

8. I really really want to write about some recent pursuits...however I have a self imposed rule about talking about work on the ol' blog. It's not that I don't want to share because I do...and it would be really therapeutic to get my thoughts out, but I just can't do it yet...

9. Ever heard of the 'second child' shortfalls? Yea, poor Blake is already suffering from being the second child! He is over three months and I have yet to get his 3 month pics done (I like to do every three months the first year since they change sooooo much!)...We have taken candids, but not as many and I haven't printed ANY aside from one here and there off my at home printer. I have thought about his baby book, but haven't purchased anything, no less started it. Hopefully I will catch up soon....

10. Check out my Ah-Mazing sister!! The green monster has reared its ugly head a copuple times...but I am SOOOOO proud of her! I am secretly hoping htat continues running so that it can be something we do together :)

Still struggling

I need to keep reminding myself that breast milk is free...because yes, I am still struggling with it! Sunday night Blake nursed a better part of nearly 4 hours! And then was up again 2 short hours later!

I returned to work a week and a half ago and have been pumping during the day...three times during my work day. Its tiring. Not to mention that I can only pump about 12-13oz of the 17-18 he eats while I am gone. Fortunately I have a bit of a stash in the freezer but ultimately that is going to run out (in many weeks!).

Sunday I was at my wits end and was determined that we are done and I am going to wean...Then Sunday night happened. Blake didn't eat well from the source. He got a bottle once over night. I woke up engorged and feeling guilty...feeling that I am depriving him of what he wants: the boob!

I don't know how to give him what he wants and also stay sane. He wants to 'eat' constantly for hours on end. And I know he is not really eating, I have become the human pacifier. I also don't know how to not feel guilty that I am not able to satisfy him and that I just want him off of me for an hour!

I tried something new last night. He nursed around 6pm. I cut him off after 1/2 hour. He wasn't too pleased. He fussed and fussed on and off until 8pm when it was time to start bedtime feeding. But I think with time, he will get used to this new limited eating and will get hungrier and hungrier and will ultimately take a fuller feeding, and last longer between feeds and thereby getting hungrier again...do you see how the cycle goes? Right now I have what they like to call a snacker!

I couldn't bring myself to really start the weaning process, so for now we are going to keep going and again remind myself to take it day by day and that as long as he eats it doesn't matter what he eats!

Breastfeeding.

So I'm sitting here writing this post with a baby at the breast...ok not really. I am not that good at it yet and Blake is still pretty little {albeit growing by the minute!}. He is indeed laying on my chest, just not feeding.

Anyway, back to the point...

I am finding that I have a love hate relationship with breastfeeding.

I love that I can physically feed my baby with my body. It's very fascinating that my body produces this 'liquid gold' and it helps my baby grow grow grow. And he is growing well...at the rate of a pound a week!
I love the bond we are creating and the closeness that I (hopefully) will have with him when I return to work and he begins to spend most of his days with his daddy.
I love the convenience in the middle of the night to just latch him on to eat and I don't have to mess with a bottle and I can kind of doze off while he eats.
I love he is getting the most perfect nourishment without chemicals and it is so natural.
I love that its FREE!!!!

But I hate being strapped down by this little being that I love so much when he wants to eat constantly. I feed on demand..so when he wants it, he gets it! There have been some evenings that I have nursed him for over two hours off and on (mostly on sometimes off).
I hate not knowing how much he is getting...not that I should be too concerned at this point as he is clearly getting enough by gaining 3.5lbs in5 weeks!! But when he is rooting and acting hungry just minutes after a feeding, it makes me wonder if I am really producing enough. It's hard to shake the fears of the low supply I had with Charles. It would be great to have a see through boob with measurements on it.
I hate the every two hour, hour long feeds. Its taxing. I can't DO anything while he is feeding and he is a sloooooow eater. So by the time he is done, I have an hour to shower or do something quick and then its go time again. And to add pumping in on top of that???
Which brings me to..I HATE pumping. But if I want to continue when I go back to work, I have to do it. This solves the 'how much' dilemma, but then resurfaces the 'am I making enough'. I pump about 2-3 times a day depending on schedule and how much he eats. I can usually tell if he drains everything or if there is some left behind. I also pump at least once overnight so that my awake time is less and W can help me out.

I hit a breaking point when Blake was 4 weeks old. I hadn't slept for more than an hour stretch in nearly four weeks. I found that I was dreading feedings and I didn't want to hold Blake in between. And id I did, I didn't want to do anything to stir him because he might want to eat. I was so ready to quit. Cold turkey. But I felt guilty...selfish..like a quitter. So we made changes. I accepted giving him formula and pumping instead for a few feedings, especially overnight. I stopped pumping after every feeding. And more importantly I changed my attitude.

I had to accept that this is Blake and this is how he eats. If I can nurse him that is great. If I am not feeling it, I can give him a bottle. If he fights with me, a bottle it is. and I am not stressing over it. It doesn't matter what he eats as long as he eats, is healthy and is satisfied. And let me tell you, I am in a much better place. Since I have embraced it, I am actually more willing to nurse and it is rare that he gets a bottle during the day. And very little formula.

I am not sure what will happen when I go back to work, but for now I am setting small goals and will reassess when I meet each goal. The first is to make it till I go back...2 more weeks. Then I will see how pumping goes at work and how much I can get with the pump. If I am successful I hope to make it atleast 6 months...even if I am not able to make 100% of what he needs. Some is better than none.

For now we'll just keep on keeping on!

One whole month...

Hard to believe that Blake has been here for a whole month already!!!! We love having him here..but I am not going to lie, it has been challenging! This is one of those times that I am glad W does not work and is home all day with us.

Blake is a super sweet baby and in general a very easy baby. But...not as easy as Charles was! Although I have been told that Charles was 'abnormally' easy and Blake is normal!

This time around I am breastfeeding..we tried with Charles, but because he was so early I had to pump and it didn't work out because I didn't produce like I needed to. This time I am able to produce so that part is going well and Blake latches on great too! We got past the part of soreness and pain...but he wants to eat every two hours! Let me explain what that entails: 30-40 min of nursing, 20 minutes of pumping, back to bed for 1 hour and up to do it again!! Yikes! This past Sunday I reached my breaking point, but I DID NOT quit! I sooo wanted to....instead we just made some modifications. I pump at night and W does the feeding from a bottle. Thankfully Blake goes back and forth with no problems!

Charles...well he has actually done really well with the transition. It could be alot worse! So far he just gets whiny and has a quick trigger to cry. He is also very good at ignoring who ever is talking to him! Overall he isn't acting out too much. W is here to wrangle him when I am stuck on the couch all day nursing the baby...

As far as loving his little brother...the first few days, he wouldn't come near me if I hwas holding Blake. But now he will give kisses and lay with him on the floor (supervised of course!). He still isn't really 'aware' of him yet so if Blake is on the floor or even in our arms we really have to watch to make sure he doesn't jump on/step on/squish/hit him. I am hoping that in the coming months as Blake gets more lively he will enjoy him more!

I am recovering excellent from the c-section. 10 days post op and I wasn't taking any more pain meds...woo-hoo!I am still exteremely tired. Not sure if it is still due to the blood loss or the 24 hour nursing or a combination. Either way, I am tired. We are trying to do things...like the above mentioned night time feeding change so that I can get more rest. I only have three more weeks till I go back to work! My time off is going sooo fast even though by the time I go back I will have been off for 12 weeks! I ahd a nice summer of no working!

Back to Blake...he has been growing sooo fast! I go to a Breastfeeding support group that is offered by the hospital every Tuesday. While there I can weigh him, feed him and then weigh again to see how much milk he is getting. Last week he weighed in at 6lbs 15ozs. Today he weighed 7lbs 15ozs. A whole pound in a week!!! No wonder he wants to eat so much!!! He is catching up fast and I have a feeling he will be bigger than his brother.

Here are some pics from the last few weeks:

Charles trying to climb under the bouncy chair (yes the baby was sitting in it), he also likes to sit in the chair and in the swing. He thinks these new 'toys' are great!

Hanging out in his bed!

Looking up to his brother already!

First bath...

Sweet baby!

36 weeks, 1 day and....

He is HERE!!!

BLAKE WALTER arrived Friday July 1, 2011 at 8:35 am.

Here is the birth story:

After our little stay in L&D at 34 weeks, Dr M decided that she wanted to check me for progress at every appointment...twice a week! Fortunately there wasn't much change despite having frequent but irregular contractions. My cervix was changing about 1/2cm each exam. If I got to 4-5, she was going to deliver. In the meantime, the office went ahead and scheduled my c-section for July 21.

After my appointment on Wed 6/29, where she told me I was 3-4cm, I started getting crampy but was fine by 1 pm and the rest of the day was fine. On Thursday I woke up crampy, ate breakfast and went back to bed. When I woke again I had more than usual mucous discharge that was tinged pink. By bedtime I had consistent clear eggwhite type discharge. At 1 am the discharge started having pink in it and I had timeable contractions. At 4:30am I was finally able to get to sleep but was awoken at 5:30 with a big contraction and my discharge is now red...So then I knew it was time to call the Dr.

We headed to the hospital and arrived around 6:50..Dr M checked me again and I was 4-5cm dilated so they decided to go ahead with my RCS. Blake was born at 8:35 am. Dr then had trouble getting my uterus to contract down and had to do external massage...Weirdest feeling EVER! She also had to give me about 6 shots of multiple medications to help and I was on pitocin for 24hrs afterwards. I also lost alot of blood, but not enough to transfuse.

Blake went to the regular nursery and had to have a little bit of formula for low bloodsugar..they wouldn't let me breastfeed at this point as they were still monitoring my uterus. He later had some fast breathing due to leftover fluid from the c-section but was fine by evening. Saturday night he started showing signs of jaundice and went on the bili blanket..his levels dropped overnight so we thought we were in the clear, but they spiked again on Monday..just hours before we were to go home! He had to go in the isolette for the heavy duty lights. It worked and we were all able to go home on Monday!

We have been home now for a few days and things are going great!! I am still breastfeeding and really enjoying it! And he is doing ok with sleeping...lots during the day, not as much at night. He eats every 2-3 hours and is a slow eater...

Charlie is still a tad unsure about this little creature I brought home, but he is starting to come around. He mostly is indifferent to his little brother.

Here are some pics:

Fresh out...

In the isolette under the lights for jaundice:
Just chillin' with Mom
Going HOME!

35 Weeks

What can I say, I am a little surprised (yet ecstatic!) that we are at this point!!!! There have been some bumps along the way, though minor in comparison to the road we traveled with Charles.

The biggest bump actually came last week. After going to my usual Wednesday appointment and receiving my next to last 17P injection, I went home to watch our neighbor's little boy and just in general lay around. Charles has been having a hard time going to bed by himself sine I have been home so he and I laid down to take a nap together. I woke a few hours later with the weird feeling of my dream being what was really happening..nothing serious just a weird sensation in my dream that I woke to realize was a contraction. W's friend had stopped by and we chatted for a bit. I sat on the couch the whole time as Charlie was still waking up (Neighbor boy was still sleeping). Once his friend left I told W I was having contractions. I timed them for a little bit and they were anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes apart. They weren't painful just uncomfortable. Although we knew what the Dr would say {Go to Hospital}, we called. Sure enough that's where they wanted us to go. So W quickly got the boys together and another car seat in the car and he drove me over. I didn't think they would admit me..fluids and slow down the contractions and let me go...NOPE. Dr checked me and I was 2cm and 60% effaced. She pulled out all the stops to stop the labor. I received the first of two steroid shots for his lungs and was put on the evil drug magnesium sulfate with a 6g bolus to start. I know this probably means nothing to you but let me tell you it was AWFUL! Contractions finally stopped around 10pm (I think) but then started again at 1 am pretty consistent a little more intense but still not painful. I didn't sleep a wink all night. By morning my back was aching and I felt a little cramping but nothing bad. Dr checked me again and I was 2-3cm and 80% effaced. So now we are all thinking this baby is coming this weekend. They just want to hold off to get the second steroid shot and another 24hrs for it to have any effectiveness. Fortunately contractions stopped again about 4pm and stayed at bay through the next day too. Friday morning Dr moved me over to the high risk unit and lowered my dose of mag. My nurse and I both said see you later in the afternoon because we were sure that I would start contracting again!

Well, I did but not consistently until 1am. What is with 1am??? I laid there just waiting for them to come in and move me...but they didn't. Dr ordered an increase in my mag dose again. Prior to this we were talking about being released on Sunday, but I know that I have to be off the mag for 24 hours before release so I was sure I was staying another day to again wean off of it. But nope...Dr came in and checked me again. I'm still the same, 2-3 cm and 80% so the contractions aren't doing anything which is very GOOD! And she turned off the mag...woo-hoo!! Saturday was fairly uneventful. I contracted on and off but nothing to be concerned about apparently. Sunday morning Dr came in and said let's go home! So I am home still pregnant and on 'bed-rest'.

While neither W or I wanted Blake to be born this early, we prepared ourselves because we thought it was imminent. I communicated this to my Drs as well. And honestly when you are prepared to meet your son, it is really hard to hide disappointment when they tell you "Not today" even though you know it is for the best. I have a feeling my Drs thought I was questioning them...a comment made by Dr H and then a comment by Dr M. But hopefully I cleared that up with Dr M by reiterating that we are happy he is still inside and cooking despite being prepared.

So now we are just playing the wait and see game...waiting for my water to break, contractions to get more painful, more dilation/effacement...anything that shows I am laboring (even silent labor) they will deliver him. (Yesterday I was still 2-3cm and back to 50% effaced and will be checked at every appt) If nothing happens..we are officially scheduled for July 21!!! Knowing that my body doesn't ever do what they think it will, I am 75% sure we will make it to then. So exciting!!

For now we are just going to keep cooking, relaxing and taking it one day at a time. I am still contracting here and there but not regularly or consistently. I get the most a couple hours before my procardia is due (every 6) and in the evenings. Dr wasn't concerned..or if she was, there is not much else they can do...aside from that they don't stop labor after 35 weeks.