Days 3&4

I was able to go home yesterday..after the standard 3 days following a c-section...oh and the 33 days prior that I was in the high risk unit! Ahhh it's soo good to be home, except that Charlie is not with me.

Prior to my discharge, I was actually able to 'persuade' the doctor that we would be more than capable of taking care of his needs at home. And we started the process of discharging Charlie with me pending a few stipulations. One of those was his being able to consistently eat and gain weight. The release was given right before his 12pm feeding and that was going to be very telling for me as to how we would do at home. We got started a little bit early since he was awake...got his diaper changed, did the assessment and we were given a bottle. Charlie would not eat. He went back to sleep in the middle of it. I felt so much pressure to prove to the Drs that he could do it that I broke down. The nurse helped get through the feeding and I went back to my room to let Charlie rest and to get rest myself. W got there and we discussed what we should do. The ultimate decision was mine and I made the hardest decision of my life: Leaving my baby in the hospital. I told the case manager, nurse and Dr: We didn't spend seven weeks doing 'what was best' for the baby to stop now.

W and I went home after the 3pm feeding (which went just ok) and I rested until about 8pm. We headed back up to the hospital to do his 9pm feeding and tuck him in 'for the night'. The nurse would take care of his midnight, 3am and 6am feedings. The 9pm feeding went very well for us..he ate 30ml and it wasn't too much of a struggle. (30 is the minimum he had to take).

We made it back up for the 9am feeding and that went just ok. He ate really well for the nurse all through the night and that seems to be his routine..not eating well for us. We took W's cousins up to visit for the 3pm feeding and learned that he took 40ml at his noon feeding! And he now has to have atleast 40 each feeding. We struggled through the feeding at 3 but got everything in. When we returned for the 9pm feeding, Nurse C told us he ate the entire 40ml in 20 minutes at 6! Very impressive for the little guy and gave us great hope...but then he barely took 35 for us. So it looks like he is going to get a feeding tube. Mostly it will be there for support. They will try to feed him with a bottle but if he doesn't eat it well, instead of struggling they will push the rest through the tube.

We are getting there...he just needs a little help. If he can get 'force fed' then maybe he will get the strength he needs to start eating regularly. I am finally able to give him breast milk as well so we are starting to replace the formula. Unfortunately I can't keep up with all of his feedings yet so we are still using formula when there isn't any milk available.